put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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