The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
