fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
