Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
