i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
