Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
