I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
