Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
