I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
