If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I will be naked everywhere
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
