It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
