How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
