There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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