just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
