What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
