The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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