I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
