I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I need to sanitize my soul.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
