I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
