You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
