3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
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