He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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