Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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