I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
