Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
