Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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