after a month anything with tits is on the radar
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
