i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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