she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
