And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
