yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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