the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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