its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
