Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
