Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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