I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
