I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
