I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
