you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
