This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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