You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
