This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
