theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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