So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
