I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
