either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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