and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
