he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
