I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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