you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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