I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
