There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
