Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
