two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
