in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
