well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
