I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
