i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
