question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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