I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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