Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
