i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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