I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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