i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
