then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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