He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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