I just pynch a tree in the face
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
