Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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