I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
