His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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