No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
