I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
