I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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